All 13 Star Trek Films Ranked From Worst To Best

I'm deliberately using the exact same title used by Nerdist.com for this blog post because I want people to find both these write-ups together.

Nerdist has explained why they've ranked these movies the way they have. I'll explain my ranking in a minute.

At a glance, here's how my ranking differs from theirs.

The red lines indicate movies that I have a worse opinion of than Nerdist does; the green lines indicate the opposite. (Click to expand)

Pop over to their site to read their analysis first, because I'm only going to comment on the differences between our ratings.

13. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)

There really isn't too much of an argument here. Nerdist seems to think this is the second-worst movie. I think it's the worst. Not much point splitting hairs, when we essentially agree that it was terrible. I will never watch this movie again.

12. Star Trek III: The Search For Spock (1984)

Nerdist seems to think this was not so bad (07). I found it amateurish in the extreme. Spock's return was virtually guaranteed right from the end of The Wrath Of Khan, the whole adventure of stealing the Enterprise was implausible (the Federation must have very poor control systems), the Klingons' perfidy and the death of Kirk's son were a needless tragedy, replacing the actor playing the iconic Lt Saavik was a jolting experience, and the whole movie had the feel of a patch job that was necessary in order to bring Spock back. I don't think I can ever watch this movie again.

11. Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

This had a couple of interesting ideas that made me go "Hmm!". One was that Shinzon was Picard's clone. The other was the side-story of the tension between two Romulan races, and the surprisingly empathetic Remans. There was some voyeuristic and disturbing erotic tension between Shinzon and Deanna Troi. Shinzon ship Scimitar had a bit of cool to it. Next to Vengeance of Into Darkness, it's probably the coolest villain ship.

Shinzon's ship "Scimitar", very different from the standard-issue Romulan warbird

Apart from these, the movie was quite boring. I don't think I will watch this movie again.

10. Star Trek: Generations (1994)

Bringing Kirk and Picard together in one movie was an interesting idea. The Nexus is a cosmically scary concept, like the crack in the Universe that Doctor Who fans may be familiar with. But the rest of the movie was weird and dreamlike. Did they really let Troi pilot the Enterprise? No wonder it crashed. I may watch this movie sometime in the distant future, but I'm not sure.

09. Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)

Nerdist called this the worst Star Trek film! They owe it to us to explain this extreme rating, but their criticisms just sound like nitpicking. Sure, this wasn't a great movie, but calling it the worst is a stretch.

This movie had an interesting plot twist, in that two warring races were genetically identical, so it was really just a generational conflict, albeit a deadly one. This movie also tackles similar Prime Directive issues as the TNG episode Who Watches The Watchers. Some sequences are cliched, but it's watchable - once. I could watch this again, if I'm showing it to someone who hasn't seen it before, but I probably can't sit through it again alone.

08. Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Here, I'm probably being biased in hindsight, since I quite liked this movie when I saw it in the 80s. It's only after seeing it again many years later that I've started to think of it as cheesy. It now seems slow and boring, and many scenes are cringe-worthy. The only "aha" moment was when it was revealed that "Veejur" was actually the fictional "Voyager 6", which I still think was a neat plot twist. Oh, and it had Persis Khambatta. Half a point for that.

I may see this movie again, but I think I will fast-forward many scenes.

07. Star Trek Beyond (2016)

With this, we're getting started on the better movies. The reboot is generally quite good overall, and I've liked all three of them so far. I think the reason I'm ranking this the lowest of the three is that the second was so good this was bound to fall below that standard.

I'll definitely watch this again at some point, but not right away.

06. Star Trek (2009)

The first movie of the rebooted series started with a bang and established itself with class. In moviemaking terms, it was a generation ahead of all the movies that came before it as well as the various TV series. The casting was extremely good. Kirk, Spock, McCoy - all three were very ably played by the replacements to the old trio of Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley. I liked the touch of bringing back Captain Pike from The Original Series (The Cage, The Menagerie). Probably the only weak part of the movie was the villain Nero. Some villains are larger than life. Some fail to impress. Nero fell into the latter category.

I will definitely watch this again, perhaps in a binge-watching session of all the reboot movies.

05. Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

The Borg theme in The Next Generation never failed to thrill (Perhaps the best sample was the double-episode The Best Of Both Worlds). Such a deliciously different class of villain!

First Contact was another thrilling time-travel adventure, full of action, suspense, heroism, inspiring speechmaking by Picard, and a nice saving of the day by Data. The high-suspense battle for the deflector shield by Picard, Worf and a "red shirt", with the Borg becoming increasingly aware of their activity, and a zero-G leap by Picard, is a scene for the ages.

The battle of the deflector shield has to be one of the most chilling and thrilling sequences in Star Trek

This is definitely one for my home theatre's rerun schedule.

04. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

This movie could have made it to the bottom of my list instead of the top because of one reason. Its humour could very easily have crossed the line into a lack of seriousness, making the movie a spoof of itself. But thankfully, it managed to be both serious and light at the same time, making it an excellent entertainer even for non-Trekkies.

This is in fact one of my most often played movies at home, especially when I'm introducing newbies to the Trek genre.

03. Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

Khan with some neat twists. Benedict Cumberbatch. The re-introduction of Carol Marcus from The Wrath of Khan. Heck, the reintroduction of Khan from The Wrath of Khan (I swear, the hairs on my neck stood up when he said, "My name is Khan!"). The Kirk-Spock death scene in reverse. Brilliantly done. I have no idea why Nerdist would consider this a bad movie!

Oh, and Vengeance is the ultimate in cool for a villain's ship.

The Dreadnought-class Vengeance compared to the Enterprise - "Twice the size, three times the speed"

This is one of my all-round favourite movies, and I can watch it again and again.

02. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)

I was at my politically aware best during the last days of the Cold War, Chernobyl, and the fall of the Soviet Union. Plus I love allegorical stories. The Undiscovered Country, a movie full of allusions to both Shakespeare and the Cold War, was a work of genius.

This movie was also a classic because of its cynical lesson - that not everyone is happy with the end of a long-running conflict. Some people can be so threatened by peace that they will even team up with their counterparts on the other side to sabotage the chance for peace. This was also the first time I realised that Vulcans could be villains too.

Not only do I watch this movie repeatedly, I inflict it on guests, with frequent pauses to explain the political parallels with the former Soviet Union.

01. Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan (1982)

I don't think any trekkie will disagree on the choice of this as the best Star Trek movie of all. It was close to perfect. I'd give it a less than perfect score for only one reason.

I'm Indian, and I know that "Khan Noonien Singh" is a nonsense name for a supposed Indian prince. Is the man supposed to be Muslim (Khan) or Hindu/Sikh (Singh)? And what kind of name is "Noonien"? The writers of Star Trek seem to have a thing for this name, since Data's creator is supposed to be a "Dr Noonien Soong". So now Noonien is an East Asian name as well? Aargh!

I have watched The Wrath Of Khan so many times already that I think I'll give it a rest for a while.

Anyway, that's the list.

I, Me and Movies

In recent times, I have engaged in robust debates with friends on the merits and demerits of movies that I reviewed on my blog, and I have now realised a few things:

- There are no permanent allies or permanent foes where movie tastes are concerned

- It takes all kinds, and there's no accounting for taste

- It's not just other people who are exasperatingly unpredictable in their tastes; I'm myself high-brow in some situations and quite low-brow in others

There are those critics among my friends who resemble The Real Princess of Hans Christian Andersen's fable, because the tiniest flaw in a movie, like a pea beneath the bottommost mattress, can ruin the entire experience for them. Fortunately for me, I think I must come from stolid peasant stock, because those imperfections have to be pretty major to begin to affect my enjoyment. (At times, when these friends rip apart movies that I enjoy, I start to feel like a tasteless boor with very low standards. But then again, I have strong likes and dislikes of my own, so I guess I'm not entirely undiscriminating.) 

There are other friends who have for some unfathomable reason decided that I am a "sophisticated" critic who must have very highly evolved tastes, and who therefore expect me to like only award-winning, "art" movies. In truth, to quote an old friend of mine, I generally find such movies to be "avoid-winning" and I never watch them if I can help it. [I take heart from a report about that intellectual giant Raghuram Rajan, currently the governor of the Reserve Bank of India (and formerly my classmate), who says he enjoys physical sports but not chess!]

I view movies as entertainment, pure and simple. They represent an escapist paradise from the tedium, if not the stress, of everyday day. I'm not a "serious" movie-goer or connoisseur of any sort. Yet I myself find my exact taste in movies very hard to pin down.

Looking over the list of movies I like and don't like, I can begin to understand my criteria.

I tend to like "low stress" movies, humour (clean as well as naughty, but not gross), light romance, catchy music, some action, moderate suspense, glamourised violence, interesting villains (if they must exist at all), science fiction and superheroes.

An interesting premise, a reasonably well-told story and at least the main characters fairly well defined, help a lot. I'm a lot more forgiving than The Real Princess if these aren't quite stellar.

I tend not to like horror, gross-out humour, high emotion/melodrama, high-tension suspense, realistic violence, tales of suffering, struggle and sacrifice, tragic romance, tragedy in general, depictions of poverty, gritty crime, and threats to the well-being of vulnerable women, children and animals. (Does that cover everything?)

You see, I'm trying to escape from the mild unpleasantnesses of the real world for a couple of hours. Do I really need to inflict myself with intense unpleasantness, however vicarious?

A related piece of criticism that I hear about movies that I like is that they are "not realistic". On the contrary, I believe that is the very reason for my enjoyment! If I craved realism that much, I could just open the pages of the daily news or walk down the street and talk to real people. I certainly don't want to buy a ticket to the cinema and find I've paid for the same reality on the screen! Among Indians of my generation, such movies find their zenith (nadir?) in Adoor Gopalakrishnan's much-awarded execration, Elippathayam, in which a character could spend ten minutes examining his face in the mirror, and the audience gets to share every one of those excruciating ten minutes with him. So much for realism in the movies. My arthouse connoisseur friends can have it all.

Then there are some actors I dislike, so I can never warm to their movies. And if I sense movie-makers are pushing political or social messages that I disagree with, there goes their movie in my eyes (Hello, Jon Favreau of Iron Man, the biggest issue with the war in Afghanistan is not that American weapons are being used against American soldiers, although the ever-patriotic home audience would certainly like to be told so! Hello, Karan Johar of that otherwise beautiful movie KANK, there's no such thing as one single "soul mate" out there whom you must marry on pain of living a loveless life!) I've never gone back to see the Iron Man sequels 2 and 3, and Johar remains, yet unforgiven, in the penalty corner of my mind.

I like a fair bit of fantasy and larger-than-life characters and situations. I like mock-scary movies rather than really scary ones, the ones that give you thrills with comfort, like when a child watches a scary movie sitting on the lap of a reassuring adult. An extra scoop of thrills, and hold the realism! In the context of Bollywood, I like seeing beautiful people performing impossible stunts, singing catchy songs and making awful jokes.

I'm always game for a light "chick flick" in which the worst possible tragedy is a couple splitting up, not the tissue-box variety like Steel Magnolias in which people suffer and die. I like all the movies based on Jane Austen's novels.

And did I mention that I like science-fiction and superhero movies?

However, in spite of the detailed list of my likes and dislikes above, I've often found myself liking or disliking movies that broke these rules.

For example, though I dislike realistic violence and gore, I have been quite happy watching movies about groups of grown men whom I care nothing about taking up arms and slaughtering each other to the accompaniment of stunts and explosions. A whole series of war movies in my collection bears testimony to this. I guess not having any feeling of attachment or identification with the characters makes them expendable in my eyes. Their sufferings aren't real enough for me to empathise with.

I also enjoyed Under Siege, Broken Arrow and Die Hard (especially Die Hard 2). Again, since I had developed no emotional connection with any of the characters, I didn't mind what happened to them, and the most suspenseful situations didn't affect me personally.

In that context, although I abhor scenes of suffering, blood and gore, I confess I love it when villains die shockingly horrible deaths. The treacherous Major Grant being sucked into a jet engine in Die Hard 2 remains one of my favourite villain deaths. In the Bollywood spy thriller Agent Vinod, the villainy of the chillingly unstoppable "colonel" is finally ended by a helicopter's tail rotor. A simple bullet will never do! If I have to put up with scenes of realistic violence and convincing portrayals of innocent people suffering because of a particularly nasty villain, I insist that that villain meet a suitably horrific fate before the movie ends. The Bollywood movie Dabangg, which I sat through with great difficulty, did satisfy me at the end. The villain, who (among other cruelties) caused the hero's asthmatic mother to suffocate to death by denying her her inhaler, gets a tractor's exhaust pipe stuffed into his mouth by the hero, while his brother presses the accelerator. That's a more cheering ending for me than a happy couple getting married. Real-world villains get away with their crimes depressingly often, so I savour every instance of retribution I can find, whether real or imaginary.

Some realistic yet violent movies are still interesting. Bollywood's Madras Café was fascinating to me because I have closely followed the Sri Lankan civil war for as long as it has raged (about thirty years).

The interplay of science fiction (which I like) and horror/heavy suspense (which I dislike), produces interesting and unpredictable results. I disliked Alien, but I didn't mind either Predator or Alien vs Predator. I guess the difference was that Alien had a vulnerable female protagonist whose safety affected me personally, whereas Predator had a commando who could presumably take care of himself, and AVP distanced the characters from me, emotionally speaking.

Also within the Science Fiction/thriller genre, I liked Terminator 2 and the entire Jurassic Park series (where I knew from the start that nothing would happen to the main characters), as well as some putatively B grade movies like Dark Waters (where I didn't care).

I disliked Jaws because of the suspense, the loud, scary music, and the photography that made me feel I was myself in the water and in imminent danger. Yet sharks in general hold a fascination for me, so I quite liked the science fiction thriller Deep Blue Sea, with its mako sharks genetically engineered to be "bigger, faster, smarter and meaner". It also helped that I was watching it at home with the volume turned down. (I'm sure Sharknado is an awful movie, but the premise is so outlandishly fascinating I don't think I can keep from watching it!)

Like Sharknado (which I haven't yet seen) and Snakes on a Plane (which I have), there are some movies I cannot resist watching because of their intriguing basic premise, even though I know in advance that they will be awful. Cowboys and Aliens just had to be seen. Likewise, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

On the other hand, there are some critically acclaimed movies I can't handle. The Godfather was very disturbing, especially in its signature scenes like the man waking up in bed with his favourite horse's head beside him, and the man being garotted to death in a car and breaking the windshield in his death throes. Mad Max still gives me nightmares, with that very disturbing disembodied hand holding a chain, and the woman and child run over. The English Patient featured breathtaking photography, but I wouldn't wish the protagonist's tragedy on my worst enemy. I wouldn't even wish them to sit through the movie. To this day, The English Patient remains my metaphor for a work of beauty that is an absolute horror.

Needless to say, I would not watch Schindler's List unless a Luger were held to my head.

There are movies that I would not willingly watch (because they're tear-jerkers or too gritty) but which I don't regret watching if I accidentally do watch them. District 9 and In Bruges were movies I watched on a flight out of sheer boredom, and found that I could appreciate them ("Like" would be too strong a word). Lots of Bollywood movies also fall into this category, too numerous to mention by name.

[Speaking of Bollywood, the average level of quality has risen perceptibly in recent years, and I find myself enjoying more of them every year. The highlights of 2013 so far have been Chashme Buddoor, Madras Café and Krrish 3, and barring a major disappointment, will almost certainly include the much-awaited Dhoom 3 in December.]

At the deepest level of self-analysis, therefore, I guess I like movies that engage me but not involve me emotionally (i.e., give me stress, move me to tears or gross me out). In other words, I'm equal parts thrill-seeker and coward.