You may have come across the "Two-Sentence Horror Story" challenge.
This isn't actually new. When I was a kid, my grandfather told me this story with a wicked chuckle.
For some reason, this has become a thing again, and I guess the only modern addition is the explicit restriction on the length of the story to exactly two sentences. You can Google for examples or look here, here, or here.
Now, those who know me can readily tell that I dislike cruelty and morbidity, can't handle too much tension, and have no patience for superstition and "spirituality". Which is why my favourite movie genres are superhero, science fiction, rom-com and cartoons. And which is why my favourite two-sentence horror story from all of the above examples is this:
This isn't actually new. When I was a kid, my grandfather told me this story with a wicked chuckle.
"I don't believe in ghosts," he said.
"Well, I do," she replied and disappeared.
For some reason, this has become a thing again, and I guess the only modern addition is the explicit restriction on the length of the story to exactly two sentences. You can Google for examples or look here, here, or here.
Now, those who know me can readily tell that I dislike cruelty and morbidity, can't handle too much tension, and have no patience for superstition and "spirituality". Which is why my favourite movie genres are superhero, science fiction, rom-com and cartoons. And which is why my favourite two-sentence horror story from all of the above examples is this:
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work. To my horror, it came back with "–2,378,231 rows affected." — waysafe
My job requires me to face this potential horror every day, so the hairs on the back of my neck rise in empathy, and I wish I could pass on this tip to the above writer: "Always begin a transaction before updating the database, so you can roll it back if it doesn't go the way you expect."
But I digress. How would I rise to the Two-Sentence Horror Story Challenge?
Well, I also happen to like languages, and I have a weird sense of humour, so here is my contribution. Are you ready?
A girl was walking along a dark, lonely road in Germany, very tired, when she saw a bench by the roadside. It sat on her.
Just picture it. Ooh, delicious thrills!
However, the real horror I'm illustrating here is the German language. It assigns genders to nouns rather like a sorting hat from Durmstrang, I imagine, without regard to a noun's own wishes ("Not Slytherin, please, not Slytherin!") or even to common sense.
Other languages have been known to assign genders to inanimate objects, and it's a kind of atrocity that humankind has normalised. But it's probably only German that can callously assign the neuter gender to living beings that already have a definite, non-neuter gender of their own thanks to biology.
Other languages have been known to assign genders to inanimate objects, and it's a kind of atrocity that humankind has normalised. But it's probably only German that can callously assign the neuter gender to living beings that already have a definite, non-neuter gender of their own thanks to biology.
A bench in German (Bank) has the feminine gender (die Bank), and a girl (Mädchen) has the neuter gender (das Mädchen)!
When translated into German, my two-sentence "horror story" could even be a scene out of Seinfeld, in the sense that nothing happens. An inanimate object doesn't suddenly come to life on a dark, lonely road and overpower a human being. It's just a poor, tired, neuter-gendered German girl taking a bit of a rest by sitting on a feminine-gendered German bench.
Nothing to see here. Move on.
When translated into German, my two-sentence "horror story" could even be a scene out of Seinfeld, in the sense that nothing happens. An inanimate object doesn't suddenly come to life on a dark, lonely road and overpower a human being. It's just a poor, tired, neuter-gendered German girl taking a bit of a rest by sitting on a feminine-gendered German bench.
Nothing to see here. Move on.
Das Mädchen setzte sich auf die Bank. Es saß auf ihr.
(The girl sat (self) on the bench. It sat on her.)
(The girl sat (self) on the bench. It sat on her.)
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