At a car lot: The best way to get on your feet....Miss a car payment.
At a tyre repair shop: Invite us to your next blowout.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.
In front of a car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
At a towing company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a used car lot: Second-hand cars in first crash condition.
At an auto body shop: May we have the next dents?
On a caravan trailer: I go where I'm towed to.
On a music teacher's door: Out Chopin.
At a music store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.
On the door of a music library: Bach in a min-u-et.
At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
Outside a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut.
On the menu of a restaurant: Blackened bluefish
Outside a hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
In a counselor's office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
In a dentist's office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
In a veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
A church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.
At a gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
At a beauty parlour: Dye now!
In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
In a cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
At a hardware store: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
In the window of an appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
At a maternity clothes shop: We are open on Labor Day.
On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
On a plumbing company's trucks: Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
On a scientist's door: Gone Fission
On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.
On an established dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
On the door of a computer store: Out for a quick byte.
Outside an antique shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Sign at the psychic's hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.
And my favourite (Patel & Co. Plumbing in London): You've tried the cowboys, now try the Indians.